Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
