And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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