in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
