I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize