Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
