I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
