I can't watch pbs sober anymore
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
