No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
