I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
