Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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