Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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