I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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