i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize