my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
