and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize