I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
