it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
