When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
