Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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