i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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