what day is it and did you see me today?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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