When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
