I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
