dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
