Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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