Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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