I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
i think my cat just said my name.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
