dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Are we still banned from the library?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
