loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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