I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm too high and old for this...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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