It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
