Got a toothbrush?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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