Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
