Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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