You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
