Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
