we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
