Please, let me fuck your mom
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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