We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
