a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
