Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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