it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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