I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
