drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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