Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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