ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
