Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Someone signed my nipple.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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