I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
