How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
