So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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