If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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