He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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