just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
