he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
