the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
