this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Did you pee in the oven last night??
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
