"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
