After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
