I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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