i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
