New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
