When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
