So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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