i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
