i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize