I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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