the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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