Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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