I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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