Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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