whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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