My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
