i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
