Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
