It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize