Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
